quinta-feira, 10 de janeiro de 2013

These extremes of me

On January 3rd I've wrote about being in peace after a powerful insight. Well, it didn't last long. I've realized my intellect was fighting against my heart-mind (the more I know about buddhism and about myself, the more difficult is to use "mind" or "heart" in the right meaning. Well, this is a subject for another post.). I was trying to force my heart-mind into something I simply could not feel. Letting go of it brought a huge relief. But - there is always a but - the insight also entailed a different kind of suffering: anguish, unrest, expectation. Now I wanted things to happen immediately in the way I know they will be someday.
Today, a week later, I'm in peace again. Yesterday my therapyst was instrumental in helping me coming back to my senses once again. He brought me back to right here, right now. He reassured me about my power and skills to face and overcome the challenges I had put to myself.
I'm still amazed about having a man as a therapyst, it's so completely different. He is not soft (as a woman), but he's gentle and supportive. He's the first man in my life that takes care of me in such a deep level. And yet he is very assertive, he lets no room for my female weaknesses and hesitations. He just says: "You can and you will".
Could it be a kind of a father figure? I really don't know. I've never had a father. Anyway it's working really fine.