Worsening

What was already dire is getting worse. It always can worsen...

It's not a downward spiral anymore, it's a frantic downfall. Vertiginous.

Dementia.

Getting closer and closer to total loss.

And here I am doing whatever it takes to honour my promise and my duty. I can and I will take care. But who is gonna take care of me? No one. No one but me. So fucking all by myself.

Today I felt absolutely miserable. And weak. And a bit scared. Tidal wave of pain once again. Dragging me down. Drowning me in the sea of sorrows and suffering. Liquid emotional hell. My soul bled once more. Soul pain. So deeply hurt. There's no running away, there's no hiding. There's only one thing to do: stand still, hold on, endure and then let go.

My soul is still wounded. But it is healing. The wave has come and gone.